i have been missing for quite sometime, i have been checking up from time to time but havent posted in soo long. so i have been going between 115 and 120...it changes constantly, today i am around 118
. STILL. i have been working out a lot, been taking alli on and off, been taking laxatives wayyy too much, i fasted a few times but it seems to have gotten more complicated. every one watches me and its like they know (my paranoia)
today i went out and bought a ton of things, lady at the counter must have thought i was crazy...i dropped 177 dollars at walgreens to buy an array of odd things.
-on my walgreens list:
childrens gummy vitamins (only 5 cals each and yummy)ZANTREX 3
a best buy gift card?
burts bees wax products
(there was more but i dont remember now....its all sitting in a bag in my room)
..............i mean wtf? idk what happened to me......................
what ever...i took my first 2 pills (Zantrex 3) about 45 mins before i went to the gym and good lord was that a trip! i was extremely focused and had tons of energy...i felt high on something and it was AMAZING!!!! i cant wait til tomorrow...i am ging to take 2 in the mornings and another 2 an hour before i work out...
I WANT TO LOOK AMAZING FOR HALLOWEEN! I HAVE TO!!! i am wearing a 2 piece costume and i loook horrid right now...so disgusting! oh yeah while i was gone...i binged a lot...and made attempts to purge :/ luckily i am bad at it still and didnt try too hard before i gave up.
i have an ana friend....well she claims she just wants to be thin for the holidays to look "sexy in a costume" but slowly she has revealed her true feelings to me. she hates herself as much as i do and she thinks i am skinny and i dont believe her..and i say she is skinny and she doesnt believe me. we fast together, tell each other everything we eat, help measure each other and shop for skinny clothes together. its crazy. i love her to pieces...but i also resent her, no one cares or watches what she eats so she can fast if she wants and she is thinner than me :/
i hope everyone is doing well...i have missed you all but i have just felt like such a failure and didnt want to post my stupidities. i love you all <3